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| Funny crap....... |
| 02.14.05 (6:33 am) [edit] |
Smart man + smart woman = romance
Smart man + dumb woman = affair
Dumb man + smart woman = marriage
Dumb man + dumb woman = pregnancy
OFFICE ARITHMETIC
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Smart boss + smart employee = profit
Smart boss + dumb employee = production
Dumb boss + smart employee = promotion
Dumb boss + dumb employee = overtime
SHOPPING MATH
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A man will pay $2 for a $1 item he needs.
A woman will pay $1 for a $2 item that she doesn't need.
GENERAL EQUATIONS & STATISTICS
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A woman worries about the future until she gets a husband.
A man never worries about the future until he gets a wife.
A successful man is one who makes more money than his wife can spend.
A successful woman is one who can find such a man.
HAPPINESS
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To be happy with a man, you must understand him a lot and love him a little.
To be happy with a woman, you must love her a lot and not try to understand her at all.
LONGEVITY
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Married men live longer than single men do, but married men are a lot more willing to die.
PROPENSITY TO CHANGE
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A woman marries a man expecting he will change, but he doesn't.
A man marries a woman expecting that she won't change, and she does.
DISCUSSION TECHNIQUE
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A woman has the last word in any argument.
Anything a man says after that is the beginning of a new argument.
HOW TO STOP PEOPLE FROM BUGGING YOU ABOUT GETTING MARRIED
------------------------- ------------------------- -------
Old aunts used to come up to me at weddings, poking me in the ribs and cackling, telling me, "You're next." They stopped after I started doing the same thing to them at funerals.
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| What is the truest definition of Globalization? |
| 02.14.05 (6:24 am) [edit] |
Question: What is the truest definition of Globalization?
Answer: Princess Diana's death.
Question: How come?
Answer: An English princess with an Egyptian boyfriend crashes in a French tunnel, driving a German car with a Dutch engine, driven by a Belgian who was drunk on Scottish whisky, (check the bottle before you change the spelling) followed closely by Italian Paparazzi, on Japanese motorcycles; treated by an American doctor, using Brazilian medicines. This is sent to you by an American, using Bill Gates's technology, and you're probably reading this on your computer, that use Taiwanese chips, and a Korean monitor, assembled by Bangladeshi workers in a Singapore plant, transported by Indian lorry-drivers, hijacked by Indonesians, unloaded by Sicilian longshoremen, and trucked to you by Mexican illegals.
That, my friends, is Globalization!!
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| feb. 14 |
| 02.12.05 (8:28 pm) [edit] |
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I hand u 12 roses, 11 real and 1 fake and say, " ill love you till the last one dies".......................
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| Got through TOEFL.... |
| 02.12.05 (6:02 am) [edit] |
Sup ppl, dawgs, niga'z, bitches, homies......bla bla bla....
i just got my Toefl results, i got 277/300 for tht xamz.....
thts like 92.3%
i am very happy.....cheer with me !!!!
love. xt
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| CAT JOKE !!! |
| 02.09.05 (10:22 am) [edit] |
This is this cat.
This is is cat.
This is how cat.This is to cat.
This is keep cat.
This is a cat.
This is dumass cat.
This is busy cat.
This is for cat.
This is forty cats.
This is seconds cat.
now go back and read the THIRD word in each sentence.
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| HUSDAND and Wives, with computer ..... |
| 02.09.05 (7:23 am) [edit] |
HUSBAND - HAI DEAR,I AM LOGGED IN.
WIFE - HAVE YOU BROUGHT THE SAREE.
HUSBAND - BAD COMMAND OR FILE NAME.
WIFE - BUT I TOLD YOU ABOUT IT IN MORNING
HUSBAND - ERRONEOUS SYNTAX, ABORT,RETRY,CANCEL.
WIFE - HAE BHAGWAN !FORGET IT WHERE'S YOUR SALARY.
HUSBAND - FILE IN USE,READ ONLY,TRY AFTER SOME TIME.
WIFE - ATLEAST GIVE ME YOUR CREDIT CARD,I CAN DO SOME
SHOPPING.
HUSBAND - SHARING VIOLATION,ACCESS DENIED.
WIFE - I MADE A MISTAKE IN MARRING YOU.
HUSBAND - DATA TYPE MISMATCH.
WIFE - YOU ARE USELESS.
HUSBAND - BY DEFAULT.
WIFE - WOULD YOU LIKE TO HAVE SOME SNACKS
HUSBAND - HARD DISK FULL.
WIFE - WHAT IS MY VALUE IN YOUR LIFE.
HUSBAND - UNKNOWN VIRUS DETECTED.
WIFE - DO YOU LOVE ME OR YOUR COMPUTER.
HUSBAND - TOO MANY PARAMETERS.
WIFE - I WILL GO TO MY DADS HOUSE.
HUSBAND - PROGRAM PERFORMED ILLEGAL OPERATION,IT WILL CLOSE.
WIFE - I WILL LEAVE YOU FOR EVER.
HUSBAND - CLOSE ALL PROGRAMS & LOG OUT FOR ANOTHER USER.
WIFE - IT IS WORTHLESS TALKING TO YOU
HUSBAND - SHUT DOWN THE COMPUTER.
WIFE - I AM GOING
HUSBAND - ITS NOW SAFE TO TURN OFF YOUR COMPUTER
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| Formula for Success: |
| 02.09.05 (7:20 am) [edit] |
Formula for Success:
A small truth to make our Life's 100% successful..........
If A B C D E F G H I J K L M N O P Q R S T U V W X Y Z
Is equal to …………
1 2 3 4 5 6 7 8 9 10 11 12 13 14 15 16 17 18 19 20 21 22 23 24 25 26
Then H+A+R+D+W+O+R+K = 8+1+18+4+23+15+18+11 = 98%
K+N+O+W+L+E+D+G+E = 11+14+15+23+12+5+4+7+5 = 96%
L+O+V+E=12+15+22+5 = 54%
L+U+C+K = 12+21+3+11 = 47%
(None of them makes 100%)
.................................................................
Then what makes 100%
Is it Money? ..... No!!!!!
Is it Leadership? ...... No!!!!
Every problem has a solution, only if we perhaps change our “ATTITUDE”
It is OUR ATTITUDE towards Life and Work that makes
OUR Life 100% Successful.
A+T+T+I+T+U+D+E = 1+20+20+9+20+21+4+5 = 100%
Don't you think so?!?!?!?!
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| Some crap bout me ! |
| 02.06.05 (3:05 am) [edit] |
1. What is your Full name: Saad Nasim
2. What color pants are you wearing now: Blackish somethin
3. What are you listening to right now: Musafir songs
4. What are the last 2 digits of your phone number: home or cell?
5. What was the last thing you ate: i am hungry for 30 hours now.... b4 tht i dont rember
6. If you were a crayon what color would you be? why the hell would i be a crayon ?
7. How is the weather right now? Sunny yet cool....
8. Last person you talked to on the phone:uncle sahid
9. The first thing you notice about the opposite sex: HER !!!
10. How are you feeling right now: just got up ! so sleepy !
11. Favorite Drink: DEW
12. Favorite alcoholic drink: NOTHING!
13. Favorite Sport to play:Foot ball, and basketball
14. Hair Color: black and white :D
15. Eye Color: blak
16. Do you wear contacts: NO!!
17. Favorite Month[s]: Never thought of it !
18. Favorite Food: right now....Haleem !
19. Last Movie you watched: Gone in 60 seconds
20. Favorite Day of the Year: May 18, i guess !
21. Are you too shy to ask someone out: Not at all !
23. Hugs or Kisses: depends who it is....
24. Chocolate or Vanilla: Chocolate
25. Do you want your friends to respond back:I know no one will, so no use tellin !
26. Who is most likely to respond: No one!
27: Who is least likely to respond: Everyone!
28. What's on your mouse pad: ICC company crap !
30. Favorite Board Game: Chess
31. What did you do last night: loads of thongs.....
32. Favorite Smell: ......?!?!?!
33. Can you touch your nose with your tongue: Yup
34. What inspires you: The gayness of MJ !! (just kiddin)
36. Favorite Flower: Rose
37. What is the first thing you think of when you wake up in the
morning: How to ditch skool ?
38. Do you still talk to your best friend from high school: ya
39. Pets: NONE
40. Play or Opera: PLAY
41. Have you ever fired a gun: ya.
42. Disneyland? NEVER BEEN THER
43. Been out of the country? ya
44. Favorite Movie(s)? many !
45. Favorite word or phrase? ......aaaaaaaa......aahh...ahh........
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| PENIS TAX ......this is insane!! |
| 02.05.05 (9:15 am) [edit] |
The only thing that the IRS has not yet taxed is the male penis. This is due to the fact that 40% of the time it is hanging around unemlpoyed, 30% of the time it is hard up, 20% of the time it is pissed off and 10% of the time it is in the hole. On top of that, it has two dependents and they are both nuts.
Effective January 1st, 2004 your penis will be taxed according to size. The brackets are as follows:
10"- 12" Luxury Tax..........$30.00
8"- 10" Pole Tax.............$25.00
5"- 8" Privilege Tax.........$15.00
4"- 5" Nuisance Tax..........$3.00
Males exceeding 12" must file under capital gains. Anyone under 4" is eligible for a refund. PLEASE DO NOT ASK FOR AN EXTENSION!!!
Sincerely, Pecker Checker IRS
*****NOTE*****
We are still waiting for answers for the following questions:
- Are there penalties for early withdrawals? - What if one's penis is self employed? - Do multiple partners count as a corporation? - Are condoms a deductible expense as work clothes? - Is there an additional tax if you are not circumcised?
OMG......i will have to pay alot!!! heheheheh
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| Stupid Jokes on Men: |
| 02.05.05 (9:05 am) [edit] |
Shamlessly stolen frm GODSMACK...again!!
Stupid Jokes on Men:
What is the thinnest book in the world?
"What Men Know About Women"
What's the difference between men and government bonds?
Bonds mature
How do you save a man from drowning?
Take your foot off his head
What do men and beer bottles have in common?
They're both empty from the neck up
How can you tell if a man is happy?
Who cares
How many men does it take to change a roll of toilet paper?
We don't know... it has never happened
What's a man's idea of helping with the housework?
Lifting his leg so you can vacuum
What's the difference between a man and E.T?
E.T. phoned home
What does a man consider a seven course meal?
A hot dog and a six pack of beer
What do you call a man with half a brain?
Gifted !
What did God say after he created man?
I can do better
What are two reasons men don't mind their own business?
1. No mind 2. No business
What do you call an intelligent man in America?
A tourist
Did you hear about the man who won the gold medal?
He bronzed it
How do men sort their laundry?
"Filthy" and "Filthy and wearable"
Only a man could buy a $400 car and put a $4000 stereo in it
Why did God create man?
He needed to practice
Why is it good that there are female astronauts?
When the crew gets lost, at least she will ask for directions
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| The Rules by which females are governed :-) |
| 02.05.05 (9:03 am) [edit] |
Shamlessly stolen frm GODSMACK, btw GODSMACK is one of ma favourite bands!
The Rules by which females are governed :-)
The FEMALE always makes the rules.
The RULES are subject to change at any time without prior notification...by the FEMALE.
No MALE can possibly know all the RULES.
If the FEMALE suspects the MALE knows all the RULES, she must immediately change some or all of them.
The FEMALE is never wrong.
If the FEMALE is wrong, it is due to a misunderstanding which was a direct result of something the MALE did or said wrong.
The MALE must apologize immediately for causing the misunderstandings.
The FEMALE may change her mind at any time.
The MALE must never change his mind without the express written consent of the FEMALE.
The FEMALE has every right to be angry or upset at any time.
The MALE must remain calm at all times, unless the FEMALE wants him to be angry or upset.
The FEMALE must, under no circumstances, let the MALE know whether or not she wants him to be angry or upset.
The Male is expected to "mind read" at all times.
The MALE who doesn't abide by THE RULES; can't take the heat, lacks backbone, and is a wimp!
Any attempt to document THE RULES could result in bodily harm.
The FEMALE is ready when SHE is ready.
The MALE must be ready at ALL times
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| SEX |
| 02.03.05 (2:30 pm) [edit] |
1. Sex is a beauty treatment. Scientific tests find that when women make love they produce amounts of the hormone estrogen, which makes hair shine and skin smooth.
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2. Gentle, relaxed lovemaking reduces your chances of suffering dermatitis, skin rashes and blemishes. The sweat produced cleanses the pores and makes your skin glow.
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3. Lovemaking can burn up those calories you piled on during that romantic dinner.
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4. Sex is one of the safest sports you can take up. It stretches and tones up just about every muscle in the body. It's more enjoyable than swimming 20 laps, and you don't need special sneakers!
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5. Sex is an instant cure for mild depression. It releases endorphins into the bloodstream, producing a sense of euphoria and leaving you with a feeling of well-being.
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6. The more sex you have, the more you will be offered. The sexually active body gives off greater quantities of chemicals called pheromones. These subtle sex perfumes drive the opposite sex crazy!
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7. Sex is the safest tranquilizer in the world. IT IS 10 TIMES MORE EFFECTIVE THAN VALIUM.
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8. Kissing each day will keep the dentist away. Kissing encourages saliva to wash food from the teeth and lowers the level of the acid that causes decay, preventing plaque build-up.
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9. Sex actually relieves headaches. A lovemaking session can release the tension that restricts blood vessels in the brain.
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10. A lot of lovemaking can unblock a stuffy nose. Sex is a natural antihistamine. It can help combat asthma and hay fever.
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| Sooooooooo MALE !!!! |
| 02.02.05 (2:36 pm) [edit] |
HUSBAND: "Definitely not!"
WIFE: "Why not - don't you like being married?"
HUSBAND: "Of course I do."
WIFE: "Then why wouldn't you remarry?"
HUSBAND: "Okay, I'd get married again."
WIFE: "You would? (with a hurtful look on her face)."
HUSBAND: (makes audible groan).
WIFE: "Would you sleep with her in our bed?"
HUSBAND: "Where else would we sleep?"
WIFE: "Would you replace my pictures with hers?"
HUSBAND: "That would seem like the proper thing to do."
WIFE: "Would you buy her a pet?
HUSBAND: "If she wanted one."
WIFE: "Would you buy her a cat?
HUSBAND: "No, she likes German Shepherds."
WIFE: - - - SILENCE - -
HUSBAND: "SHIT!!!"
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W E L C O M E !!!!
You are Visitor Number :
Dell Laptop
BEWARE!!
| Saad's Blog may explode without warning | M
EXPLOSIVE |
From Go-Quiz.com
MY MOOD:
TIME AND WEATHER :
| S | Strong | | A | Altruistic | | A | Appealing | | D | Dramatic |
Name Acronym Generator
From Go-Quiz.com
This is wat i THINK i am accordin to wat the computer can generate:
How to make ME:
| How to make a Saad |
Ingredients:
1 part anger
1 part brilliance
5 parts empathy |
Method:
Blend at a low speed for 30 seconds. Serve with a slice of lovability and a pinch of salt. Yum! |
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